Livin' The Dream (Even When it Doesn't Feel So Dreamy!)

Boy, do I feel better after running on Saturday!  My husband likes me better too.  Yesterday...I hardly remember yesterday!  I had to ask my husband and he couldn't remember either!  The sad thing is that we went on a date and couldn't remember it.  Livin the dream, baby.  We haven't been out on a date in a couple of months I think.  I know we went out for my birthday in March, I think.  Definitely made it out for Valentine's Day.  We just get excited about uninterrupted conversations, let alone getting out of the house alone.  But thankfully it happened.  Nothing spectacular or romantic.  Just a dinner.  With stormy weather, there wasn't much of a chance for a walk and no time for a movie. 

This is not what has been on my mind, though.  Obviously, since I forgot it already!  No, since it's Sunday, I still have this morning's sermon echoing in my head.  It was about dreams.  Having them, living them out, seeing them as God has them planned out, not like the way we see them, which usually means we're in the center.  We even got a homework assignment; to write down our dream.  But which one?  The silly ones that I think will never come true?  The ones that wake me up at night that I desperately want to be true?  What has God planted in my heart?  What have I put there in an attempt to feel significant?  And what things are for a season and what are the things that will be in our lives forever, a part of how we are defined?  And how in the world am I supposed to know that until I look back over my life at the end of it? 

Oh how things come together.  Let me explain.  I've been carrying around this 11:11 verse from Numbers.  It's Moses with the Israelites and he's talking--well complaining--to God.  "He asked the Lord, 'Why have you brought this trouble on your servant?  What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me?'"  One verse.  I've been carrying it around in my head because when I read it as I was skimming through all the 11:11 verses I could find, it stuck with me as a reminder to not complain.  I mention it in my 11:11 blog post that this is how I feel when I have to tackle the laundry or the dishes or pick up the living room for the billionth time.  The list goes on and on with opportunities to complain.  But I KNOW that I'm blessed.  Beyond belief.  Beyond what I imagined and we are bursting at the seams with children to tuck in at night.  I wish I could say that I never take that for granted because I shouldn't.  Every moment is a gift and the next one is not guaranteed.  I prayed for these kids and my husband for a long time.  This was my dream.  This is my dream.  To watch the kids grow up safe and healthy.  To celebrate fifty years or more with my husband.  So when I read Numbers 11:12, I pretty much have to kick myself.  "Did I conceive all these people?  Did I give them birth?  Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant, to the land you promised on oath to their forefathers?"

Insert foot in mouth now.  Face palm.  Mom fail.  Doh!  Whatever else you can think of.  Oh yes, eat crow and humble pie after that.  Why yes, I conceived them.  Give them birth?  Check.  I'm an idiot.  Whatever dreams I may have about what I'd like to do with my life outside of these kids kind of doesn't matter so much anymore.  I mean, God uses everything we have to offer for His plan.  Sometimes I feel like I have a lot to offer and sometimes all I have is my ability to eat large quantities of food when I shouldn't.  I think God sees me as a unique person and not "just a mom".  There will be things He'll have for me to do as the kids leave the nest but that's years away from now.  My job right now is to allow God to use me to be the best wife and mom I can be to my family.  That's my dream.  If I'm a singer, it will be lullabies.  If I'm a dancer, it will be with the kids in the living room.  If I'm a lawyer, it'll be in defense of my family. 

Here's the other crazy thing that's been floating around in my head.  I had a dream about back in the day.  I was getting ready to give my initial sermon along with some other people.  As everyone went up to preach, they were awesome.  Great sermons, really good stuff.  And I was as nervous as always.  But when it was my turn I had no sermon.  I don't know if embarrassed was what I was feeling but I was definitely aware that I probably wouldn't get to be a preacher with my next move.  I picked up a little baby and began to sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."  It was all I had.  No notecards or three points or verses.  Just a simple song to a little baby. 

I know these things aren't a coincidence but a path and a plan from God that has given me a merciful past, an awesome present, and an unimaginable future.