It's ten minutes until my self-imposed bedtime but I wish I had been in bed at least a half an hour ago. My contacts gummed up so if there are a bunch of typos, it's because I can't see them. I'm also listening to my husband argue football in the background so if I start writing what I hear, this could get interesting. I can not wait for fall. We had a cold spell a couple of weeks ago and overnight temps dipped into the 50's. It gave me a taste of my favorite season and I cannot wait for it to get here! I'm going to miss the swimming and the sun but these 90 degree temps are not exactly motivating for getting out and running.
I've been dealing with back problems, neck problems, and now my knees ache. I'm feeling very old. I finally feel thirty-something. I think it's too much sugar. With my back killing me I know it was one of the things I turned to and I'm paying the price for it. I need to do a detox but I really don't know if I have the will power. My idea of detox is not having chocolate for breakfast! I have been holding back on the coffee though. I can easily put away about 3-4 cups. I'm sure that's part of my sleeping issues. I guess the one thing I am doing right is trying to get better? At least, sometimes, it seems like I'm trying. And then I look at the laundry and just grab another piece of chocolate!
If only God's word were as tangible. I mean, if I could really take a bite of that daily bread whenever I'm stressed. Sometimes it feels real. Sometimes I walk away from my devotions and I am full. I want for nothing. I get what I read and it really soaks in and satisfies and then there are the other days. It's like pulling up to the table and expecting bacon and eggs and all I get is toast. Slightly burnt. With no butter. I try to make it make sense and I try to "get it" but I walk away thirstier. Does that ever happen to you? On those days, I sometimes give up and get frustrated but it's always there. The page with today's date on it but nothing written. I come back the next day, and the next. And maybe it takes a while but I can't just skip that part cuz it's all important.
Maybe it doesn't make sense because I've already shut down. Sorry God, I'm not in the mood to talk or learn today. It is good that we serve a God willing to sit with us in those times. The silent times when we don't feel like talking or even know what to say. Maybe tomorrow we'll be more inspired. Not that we are ungrateful. Some days there is no victory dance, just a sigh of relief that we made it one more day!
P.S. I don't want you to think that I had a bad day. Today was actually awesome. We went to my mom and dad's house which is always fun and exhausting. And I will be very grateful to drag myself into bed! I'm much too tired for a victory dance tonight!
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